So...I'm going to India
If you told me one year ago that, in less than 48 hours, I would be sitting in Jake’s sedan, heading to Newark International Airport to board an international flight that would ultimately (several layovers later) be taking me to Rishikesh, India, where, over the course of one month, I would obtain my 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training certificate,
I would not believe you.
In fact, not believe you is an understatement.
I would likely start laughing, roll my eyes, and exclaim “in my dreams.”
But…here I am, in reality, preparing for the biggest trip I’ve ever taken and it’s right around the corner.
Needless to say, things have exponentially changed for me this year. In an effort to not sound super cliché, I won’t say I was a different person last September, but if you were to put present me and past me side by side, you may think you were standing beside me (present) and my not-so-evil-but-definitely-damaged twin (past). I don’t want this article to be a ‘woe is me’ saga, but I think in order to cherish the wins, you need to acknowledge the bad parts too.
In August 2018, my cousin Jennifer died, which I guess is when I started to notice a downshift, but, if we’re being honest, my flaws developed well before that. I could give example after example of how I pretended to have my shit together and totally didn’t, but let’s just chalk it up to I did not know how to articulate my emotions in a healthy way. Instead, I drank or I suppressed. I suppressed her death, I suppressed my past trauma(s), the issues that arrived every time I indulged in drama (which was A LOT more than I realized) or alcohol, and the negative effects drinking had on my life. Then, in October 2018, I hit a metaphorical wall and my negligence started to heavily affect some people I loved deeply. So I quit drinking, I quit partying, and took a step back to get to the root of why I did the things I did.
Why did I seem to like ruining things? Why did I block so much out? Why could I be so closed off? Why did I live for a dramatic storyline?
What I found was a lot of unresolved issues I had buried or delightfully claimed as “quirks”. I realized how badly I needed to change if I ever wanted to gain back the trust from the people I cared for, push out the people who were no good for me, and ultimately improve my life.
Since then, I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I’ve learned healthier coping mechanisms, learned to get more in tune with my emotions, learned about balance, and, along the way, found just how important yoga has always been to my growth. It’s the thing I always come back to when I need a good grounding. It’s medicine.
In April 2019, the month of my 25th birthday, after several days of research, I decided I was going to go to India. I’d learn from yoga masters in a city that is considered the yoga capital of the world.
The first reaction I got from most people was fear, confusion, and a lot of “Why?”
It took a lot of convincing that I wasn’t losing my mind or this wasn’t an impulsive, quarter life crisis decision. The truth is, becoming a certified Yoga Teacher was always a dream of mine, but anytime I dabbled in the thought, it seemed like it wasn’t the right time, place, or I wasn’t skilled enough to participate in a teacher training course. But, after hitting a low point and coming back from it, I realized that anytime can be the right time if you put trust in the universe, which is a mystical way of saying, put trust in yourself.
On Monday, September 30th I’ll be landing in New Delhi and finally starting this journey that I’ve been planning for, what seems like, a lifetime. And it’s only the beginning. And the end. All at the same time. Endlessly.
Thanks for listening xx.